If you want to call Shohei Ohtani's three-homer, 10-RBI, two-steal, christening of the 50-50 club the greatest night in baseball history, who am I to argue?
What Ohtani did in Miami put the capper on another MVP season, the slugging superstar somehow already making his $700 million contract look like a bargain. If only the Red Sox had players like that.
Well as a matter of fact, and a point of fact, it turns out there are five players with Red Sox connections who have some idea what Ohtani felt like on Thursday. And I'd argue that one of them can still lay claim to the greatest game ever played. Let's run through them.
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5. Norm Zauchin: May 27, 1955
There are only 10 members of the three-homer, 10-RBI club, and Zauchin became the third to join their ranks nearly 70 years ago as a rookie.
He had exactly one homer to his name when the Red Sox hosted the Washington Senators on a Friday night. It was an eventful time in Boston. Ted Williams had just returned from military service in Korea and was on the bench. Local hero Harry Agganis had just left the team due to illness and would shockingly die a month later.
Zauchin homered off three different pitchers and added a two-run double in the 16-0 victory. He might've hit a fourth homer, but he ignored a recommendation from Williams to sit first-pitch fastball in his final at-bat.
"I got to figure on my own instead of listening to the Master," he said, per the SABR BioProject, and he struck out.
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4. Mark Whiten: Sept. 7, 1993
The Cardinals slugger who went by the great nickname of "Hard-Hittin'" made history in the second game of a doubleheader in Cincinnati before about two dozen fans, with the father-son duo of Jack and Joe Buck on the call.
Whiten, who would briefly play for the Red Sox in 1995, actually outdid Ohtani in one sense by making his a four-homer night and driving in 12. For Whiten's efforts, the Reds fans in attendance demanded a curtain call.
And on a personal note, this is literally the last major event, sporting or otherwise, that I learned about in the next day's newspaper. (It made a little box on the front of The Boston Globe sports section). The internet was in its infancy, and never again would news wait until morning.
3. Nomar Garciaparra: May 10, 1999
Hard to believe this happened 25 years ago. We had no way of knowing the night that Garciaparra unloaded on the Mariners with three homers and 10 RBIs that he was already approaching the apex of his career.
To that point he owned a Rookie of the Year award in 1996, a second-place MVP finish in 1997, and was en route to the first of consecutive batting titles in 1999. Injuries would derail his career in 2001 and remove him from the conversation for most talented shortstop of the era, alongside Derek Jeter and Alex Rodriguez, but in 1999, Garciaparra could still make a case for being the best of the bunch.
A dead pull hitter, two of his homers flew out to right field, including a two-run shot around Pesky's Pole. He finished in style by launching his second grand slam of the night into the left field net. This was in the days before the Monster seats, and it put the capper on an unforgettable evening.
2. Fred Lynn: June 18, 1975
The most iconic performance in one of the most iconic rookie seasons in Red Sox annals came in Detroit, where Lynn put on a show that cemented his status as the Rookie of the Year favorite and also provided the first inkling that he might be a factor in the MVP race, which he'd gone on to win, too.
Lynn's three-homer, 10-RBI night included a triple off the top of the left field fence that missed being a fourth homer by only a matter of inches. Otherwise, Lynn's bombs in majestic old Tiger Stadium were no-doubters -- two into the right field upper deck, and another off the faรงade above it.
1. Rick Wise: June 23, 1971
The bespectacled Wise would go on to spend four years in Boston, winning a career-high 19 games as part of the 1975 American League pennant winners, but his most memorable game -- and for my money, still the greatest individual night ever -- came four years earlier as a member of the Phillies.
Wise was en route to his first All-Star Game when he faced the Reds in Cincinnati. All he did was throw a no-hitter and provide virtually all of the offense with two homers in a 4-0 victory.
He sweated it out, too, because he needed to retire Pete Rose for the final out, and the all-time hits leader smoked a line drive to third to end it.
Of course, if any man can match this feat on the mound and at the plate, it's Ohtani, who should resume pitching next year. Let's see him take a run at this piece of history, too.