Zolak & Bertrand discuss the Tom Brady Roast on Netflix
More than four years after Tom Brady parted ways with Bill Belichick and the Patriots, the legendary quarterback-head coach duo reunited for The Greatest Roast of All Time -- and many in New England would agree that it did not disappoint.
Host Kevin Hart opened up the live Netflix special saying he was just there for a good time and acknowledged that some things may get a little awkward given all that's transpired since Brady opted to leave New England.
"Before you can get comfortable, you gotta get uncomfortable. I'm removing the discomfort from this room. Speaking of discomfort, let's talk about Bill Belichick for a second," Hart said to Brady. "The world knows that you left Bill Belichick high and dry, you left him and then you went to Tampa and won a championship. Holy sh--! Holy sh--! You left Bill Belichick with Mac Jones."
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The star-studded roast featured the expected jokes about Brady's ex-wife Gisele Bündchen (as well as her jiu-jitsu instructor turned new boyfriend), Brady's close relationship with Alex Guerrero, and even how much money Brady lost in cryptocurrency and walking away from Bridget Moynahan when she was pregnant with their child, but the real surprise was that Belichick stole the show.
Belichick, not exactly known for his sparkly personality, absolutely crushed it with his jokes -- not only about Brady, but about Rob Gronkowski, and Danny Amendola and the recent Apple TV+ documentary The Dynasty.
It had been reported in recent days that Belichick would be one of the roasters, but it was still a surprise to see the normally gruff former head coach, who had well-documented differences with Brady at the end of their time together, poke fun at his former QB.
Belichick was introduced by none other than Will Ferrell in character as Ron Burgundy from "Anchorman." The former head coach, notorious for his interaction with the media, took the stage to thunderous applause and wasted no time taking his first crack, saying Burgundy is the only member of the media he respects.
Belichick then took aim at the recent Apple TV+ documentary on the Patriots dynasty that criticized him heavily, painting him as somewhat of the villain in the downfall of Pats historic run.
“I'm so honored to be here for the roast of Tom Brady on Netflix. It’s not to be confused with the roast of Bill Belichick on the 10-part Apple TV series,” Belichick quipped.
He went on to allude to how he was perceived to be hard on Brady, saying, "A lot of mean things being said about Tom tonight. Wonder why they invited me?"
"Really Tom, why are all these people so hard on you? Do you miss me?"
He turned his attention toward Gronkowski next. Belichick, who became associated with the "Do your job" mantra, said to the former tight end, "Gronk, I've been watching you on Fox NFL Sunday and I'm begging you, please, stop doing your job."
Gronk also spoke during the special event, talking about how much Edelman sucked up to Brady, and comparing the quarterback to avocados. Gronk later took a shot with Edelman, Brady and Belichick, spiking his shot glass onto the stage -- it's possible he didn't think that one through, considering glass appeared to go flying into the first row of the audience.
Hart joked on stage afterwards about Gronk's stunt, saying, "We're live so there's no way to hide the fact that Gronk might be on a little more than alcohol. Yeah, no, it's okay, yeah, no, Gronk we'll get it. Yeah, no we'll clean it up, Gronk. Yeah just sit down when you get a chance bro. Jesus Christ. Just lay down. Just lay down."
"I'm gonna say what everybody else is saying...this is just my truth," Hart continued. "Gronk scares me. He scares me. Gronk is, he's the unsafe white drunk guy."
When it was his turn, Edelman had some great digs at Belichick, saying his only employment offer came from Foxborough High School, and at Brady, whose "wife" is Guerrero -- "the snake oil salesman who transformed Brady into a weirdo."
Other roasters to take the stage Sunday night included Drew Bledsoe, Randy Moss, Ben Affleck, Nikki Glaser, Jeff Ross and Kim Kardashian, who delivered a few jokes and playfully mocked dating rumors involving her and Brady after she was welcomed with audible boos from the crowd.
There were several crude jokes from Glaser including about Bündchen's new boyfriend, and Ross had a slew of jokes that could have hit a nerve -- from one about the Boston Marathon bombings to allegations that Brady cheated.
"Tom, I really wanted you to be our first GOAT to be roasted because you're an example to future generations that if you work hard, eat right, film the other teams' practices, deflate the balls and have the NFL make new rules just for you, then you, too, can be the third most famous guy in a Dunkin' Donuts commercial."
“Tom became a Patriot and moved up to New England, and on the first day of training camp, that scrawny rookie famously walked into the owner Robert Kraft‘s office and said, ‘I’m the best decision your organization has ever made. Would you like a massage?'” Ross joked.
“I love Robert Kraft, I….,” Ross started to say before Brady approached him at the podium and said in his ear, “Don't say that sh-- again.”
Ross pointed out that it appeared Kraft was “having fun” during the roast and commended him on all he does for the Jewish community before he got back to his bit.
Later, Kraft was on stage himself for some brief comments and a joke or two, saying to Brady, "Tommy, thank you for having me here for this unique experience. I thought I'd seen it all but this is special. But you know the Patriots are more than a football team for me. They are family. And guys, it's so good to see all of you here again. Thank you so much for everything you did for us."
The Patriots owner also had a joke or two, speaking about Belichick when he said: "And like many family reunions, there are some people I'm desperately trying to avoid... Coach Belichick, good to see you. You really look debonair in sleeves."
And to Brady, touching on his long-suspected negative feelings about Jimmy G being drafted so highly by the Pats, Kraft said, "Tom, good luck buying the Raiders. They did your favorite thing already -- they got rid of Jimmy Garoppolo.”
Kraft raised a glass to Brady, telling him he'd always be special to him before telling Vladimir Putin to give him his ring back.
Things took another strange turn when Hart invited Kraft and Belichick to the stage to take a shot together because they're "so far apart from each other" -- and yes, it was as awkward as it sounds.
"Robert wants to do it. Bill? Let's make the uncomfortable comfortable....Bill, Bill, this is a big moment, Bill," Hart said as he tried to encourage Belichick to meet Kraft on stage.
As he made his way there, Kraft interrupted to say, "I want to say this is the greatest coach in the history of the game that did what no one else has done, and having Tom Brady and him was the greatest honor the good Lord game me, so cheers."
Belichick, for his part, seemed to have a somewhat pained smile plastered on his face, with no affection shown towards his former employer -- in fact Belichick's arm was around Hart as Kraft spoke, and he didn't down the entire shot.
Hart went on to introduce one of his great friends who he called a very special guest and one of the most famous guys from Boston: "Seriously, one of THE most, I would say there are only about two or three but this guy here in my opinion is the one."
Ben Affleck then walked out, saying, "Hi you may know me as an extra from Tom's Dunkin' boy band commercial."
The night ended with the man of the hour at the podium, taking shots at Peyton Manning, who was the last to speak on stage calling Brady a 3x Super Bowl loser, as well as jabs at league commissioner Roger Goodell, and other NFL teams like the Kansas City Chiefs, Indianapolis Colts and Buffalo Bills.
“Kansas City, you say your stadium is the loudest. It helps when all your fans are 14-year-old girls," Brady said referencing the Swifties who are bandwagon Chiefs fans after Taylor Swift started dating Travis Kelce. "And in honor of Tay Tay, let's take a look at the Chiefs Eras -- terrible for 50 years, good for five. Shake it off!”
"Remember Deflategate? The NFL spent $20 million and found that it was more probable than not that I was generally aware that someone may have deflated my footballs. You could have just given me the $20 million and I would have just told you I f-----g did it."
"But I don't wanna get the NFL too upset, I'm trying to buy a piece of the Raiders, I'm tired of owning just the Colts and the Bills."
Brady's best shot at Belichick came when he pointed out how he fared without him in his finals years as the Patriots head coach: "I’ve been out of the game for a minute, so I'm curious — how many Super Bowl rings have you won since I left?”
In the end, it really was like a family reunion Sunday night, as Gronk said. So while Brady may have spent his last three seasons in Tampa Bay, this roast was for Pats fans.
