For 20 years, Bill Belichick battered us into believing that boring was better.
Belichick's press conferences were famously phlegmatic -- and frequently phlegmy (<muffle, muffle> SNORT). He gave us nothing and expected his players to follow suit. Anyone who deigned to speak candidly invariably found himself called before the team to grovel for forgiveness. Belichick's Pats didn't just ignore the noise. They killed it in its sleep.
Well, it's a new day in Foxboro, and for the first time in eons, we have actual quotes to analyze and dissect.
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The Jerod Mayo Era has been more open and individualistic by design, with Mayo empowering his players to speak their minds and be treated like adults. We'll see where that gets them in the long run.
In the meantime, we've got material. With the final preseason game in the books, let's look back at the five worst quotes of training camp and what they suggest about the upcoming season.
1. Eliot Wolf defends the indefensible
Quote: "We're excited about our offensive line group. We're still working to find the correct combination in there, and I think we have the pieces in place to be able to compete."
This quote made no sense in the lead-up to Sunday's preseason finale, but it looked positively ridiculous after the o-line unleashed some sort of hellish Pennywise the Clown vaudeville routine vs. the Commanders.
Any one of the following could represent peak dysfunction: multiple botched snaps, a pulling guard running into his own guy, quarterback Drake Maye being stepped on and losing a shoe, a disrupted handoff because the center got tossed into the backfield like a bag of dog food.
We didn't even mention the 10 penalties, or the fact that so many illegal formations were called on left tackle Chukwuma Okorafor that referee Shawn Hochuli prefaced his third call with a disgusted, "once again …"
The Patriots are sitting on $50 million in cap space and no left tackle. But Wolf is excited. Ugh. No.
2. Jerod Mayo's questionable metaphor
Quote: "If you guys remember early on, he'd throw interceptions and he'd be so down on himself. I would say now, as we exit camp, he's done a lot better job being able to pull the nose up on the plane when it seems like it's going down. I think that's an important quality."
There's got to be a better metaphor for Drake Maye's development than, "Is this plane crashing? I can't tell."
It's hard to formulate a worse description of Maye's progress. Maybe, "Drake Maye: These wild mushrooms look safe." Or, "There's gold in this mountain full of dead canaries and Drake Maye's gonna find it!"
In a season with such clear disaster potential, drawing attention to that fact so explicitly isn't the best rhetorical device.
3. Ja'Lynn Polk says get off the train
Quote: "If you're not with us right now, stay where you're at. Because when things get rolling, things get turned around, don't hop on the train."
Confidence is good, and the rookie wideout from Washington obviously has it. He also looks like he belongs in the NFL based on the preseason. That's the good news.
Unfortunately, Polk's defiance at the start of camp reeks of immaturity. We're only one year removed from the "stink, stank, stunk" wide receiver room. The group is starting from zero and we're gonna need to see it, sorry.
The Patriots are coming off one of the worst seasons in franchise history. We don't owe them anything except some patience. Were Belichick still here, Polk would've already gotten a, "How the BLEEP would you know?" in a team meeting and that would be the last we heard from him until 2027.
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4. Alex Van Pelt holds back Drake Maye
Quote: "We'd obviously like to get him out there with the first group if we can, and see him operate with the first offense."
This camp – and the entire existence of today's Patriots, for that matter – boils down to four simple words: "Is Drake Maye ready?"
If the answer to that question is yes, the season's a win. If it's "we're not sure" or "no," then next summer will be as miserable as this one.
You'd think there'd be some urgency on the part of the offensive coordinator to see what he has in the No. 3 overall pick. But Van Pelt's answer points to an issue that has plagued the Pats all camp. Everyone acts and sounds like the decision to give Maye more run with the starters is out of their hands.
Van Pelt is in charge of the offense! He could hand Maye every first-team snap if he wants.
But he clearly doesn't want that. Van Pelt has a history with starter Jacoby Brissett and, within that same press conference, extolled Brissett's familiarity with the offense and ability to recognize potential danger before it buries him. He even said they won a few games together in Cleveland (four in 11 tries, to be exact).
Maye could end up under center for the opener if Brissett's shoulder injury keeps him sidelined. In that case, the braintrust will look back at training camp as a missed opportunity.
5. Mac Jones continues to haunt us
Quote: "Mac has played extremely well in the last couple of weeks and has really bought into what we do. He'll still revert back to his Patriots ways every now and then, and we have to remind him he's in Jacksonville."
OK, so this one is actually Jaguars coach Doug Pederson and not anyone in Foxboro, but before we close the book on the Mac Jones Era forever, it's worth noting that Trevor Lawrence's backup just had the most productive preseason of any QB, which means we should acknowledge the possibility that Mac wasn't merely overmatched in New England, but also underdeveloped.
"Revert back to his Patriots ways" is such a damning statement. And even if it's an indictment of the previous regime, it still reflects poorly on the entire operation, from Robert Kraft on down, that the freaking JAGS can throw this kind of shade at the six-time Super Bowl champs.